You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
