He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
