hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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