if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize