My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
