I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my sisters under your porch take her home
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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