Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
