Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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