Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
