I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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