who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
