Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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