is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
