This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
