Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
