The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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