Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
