that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
