..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
