And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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