you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you will always have a special place in my vag
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
