Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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