I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
