I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
