The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
