Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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