she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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