There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
