I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
