Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Betty ford says i'm here all night
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
please come you make the beer taste better
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
