my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
