I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
