Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
