I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
