And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
