Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
