i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
