Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
