When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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