Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
