to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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