I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
