lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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