I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
