Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
