Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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