Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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