I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
