So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
