Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
