Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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