Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
