:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize