2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
