why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
