I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize