I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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