how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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