I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
