Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
