Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
