If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
