Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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