i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
