I wish I could teleport
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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