watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
