then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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