Ketchup is God's man juice
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
