Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We need to get me chipped asap
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize