my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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