My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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