Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
