what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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