8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize