the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
