Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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