So drunk its hurt
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize