I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
