I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My hand turned me down
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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