The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
