Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
