Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
