So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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