Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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