Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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