youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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