we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize