listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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