I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
