You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize