The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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